Boulevard of broken dreams: Lyon’s woeful transfer updates

It’s near midnight on 8/28, so I’m aware that there’s still two days left where things could drastically change. But Lyon have a poor track record of happy surprises, so I’m going to tackle their mercato – or lack thereof.

I confess that I debated awhile if I should even post. No one has any idea what’s going on, and what the media is reporting is often times incorrect and sometimes a straight up lie. So if anything I wrote below is false, blame Bilel.

(Note: I wrote this in the evening of 8/28 in US Eastern time). By the time this posts, some of this information may be outdated because I may be sleeping when Aulas finally decides to do some business.)

Aulas: We don’t need transfers, we’re fine just the way we are!

Continue reading “Boulevard of broken dreams: Lyon’s woeful transfer updates”

And then there were none: Lyon fail at signing defenders

Defending so hard.

To an outsider, Olympique Lyonnais must resemble a stereotypical spoiled child, with its sterling bank balance and its president strutting on Twitter. Internally, however, things are a bit different.

OL has been in dire need of central defenders for over a year. But in spite of their obvious defensive shortcomings, the club procrastinated until the prospect of failure became too real to ignore. With five days left until the transfer window shuts for good, the club’s slow pace to conclude signings has left a defense that is very similar to how it started.

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Ruben Dias takes off his shirt, plus other pointless transfer news

Things have gotten so desperate for Lyon fans that they’re just making things up at this point. Case in point, this past Saturday during Benfica’s away game against Boavista, Ruben Dias was walking off the pitch, turned around and went back to the Benfica supporters, and then threw his jersey into the crowd. Nothing out of the ordinary except he was the only one to do so. The other Benfica players kept their clothes on.

While most of world sees this as fake news, Lyon fans see this as sign that Dias is saying goodbye in the only way footballers know how, which is to take off their sweaty, smelly shirts and give it to people who are desperate and have no lives and probably have their club’s name tattooed above their butts in a trampstamp.

No, I’m not talking about myself. I’m not.

Look at those abs tho

Continue reading “Ruben Dias takes off his shirt, plus other pointless transfer news”

Lyon will sign Jason Denayer, and no one knows how to feel about it

It’s been an emotional 24 hours for OL fans.

First, L’Equipe reported that the signing of Ruben Dias was imminent. Everyone started making posters for his arrival at the airport. The Groupama cafeteria placed an online order for salted fish. I personally downloaded a Portuguese language app so I would be ready to comment on his Instagram.

Lyon fans were overjoyed. Finally, the defender we all deserved.

Then, my friend Bilel posted this tweet:

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Benfica to Aulas: put out or get out

Ruben Dias…is he the one to propel Lyon to the next stage of its growth?

Negotiations over Ruben Dias have reached a point of no return.

Lyon have been stalking him for awhile, and it’s safe to say that everyone at the club is obsessed with him. Unlike Yerry Mina, who had garnered split opinions with Lyon’s recruiting cell, approval for Dias has been unanimous.

Aulas likes him, Genesio likes him, Florian Maurice likes him (he has a picture of Dias in his wallet), the fans like him, even the cafeteria lady likes him. So what’s the hold up?

His release clause.

Continue reading “Benfica to Aulas: put out or get out”

Jean-Mimi’s Diary – August 6th, 2018

this is my diary where i keep all my sekrets. do not read unless your name is also jean-michel aulas, president of ol but soon to be president of all football

Mood: Annoyed

dear diary,

i am very mad at all other clubs in the world. their players want to come to ol but their clubs won’t let them follow their dreams

ruben called me today and was crying to come to lyon. benfica has locked him in his apartment and threw away the keys.

yerry emailed me yesterday to tell me that barcelona were trying to force him to play for everton even though he wants to play for lyon. barca said they would send him back to colombia if he didn’t listen

victor also really wants to come to ol but jose mourinho not only said no but also took away victor’s phone. that’s why no one has heard from him ever since. but victor found a pigeon who delivered a note to me, so i know he’s alive

and no one knows this but cristiano ronaldo winked at me a few months ago, which in football sign language means he also wants to play for lyon. sadly it didn’t work out because i cannot afford all his hair products

but all these clubs gave me a good idea. i will take away nabil’s phone. only if liverpool pay me 70 millions euros will I give it back

i will look into it tomorrow

i have the best ideas! no wonder i am best club president in the world!!!

This week’s transfer round up – window shopping mode

Nearly two months into the transfer window, and all there is to show are a bunch of half-baked rumors plus a lot of interview clips with Jean-Michel Aulas straight up lying to everyone’s faces.

As discussed ad nauseum, Lyon need at least one, if not two central defenders. Marcelo will likely leave, and that will leave Jeremy Morel as the senior CB. His partners will be two kids just promoted from the B team.

The pillar of Lyon’s defense. No, really. There’s no other choice.

Continue reading “This week’s transfer round up – window shopping mode”