Lyon tells UEFA to FEK OFF

[We might be paraphrasing a bit, but the sentiment is still valid.]

In the most unsurprising decision ever, UEFA dismissed Lyon’s latest appeal for a reduction in their punishment, which was given for terrible fan behavior during last season’s home match against CSKA Moscow.

Just guess what Lyon’s response was.

That’s right. They’re going to appeal the refusal of their appeal. Is there anything more quintessentially OL than that?

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Lyon and UEFA are back at it again

If you’re already over the Lyon/UEFA love affair, I don’t blame you. The club has been appealing one thing or another since it came into existence in 1950, so the fact that they’ve been in a constant punishment/appeal cycle for the past two years doesn’t faze me at all.

We reported a month ago that UEFA reduced Lyon’s punishment to one closed match with another on probation. That was after Lyon appealed an even earlier sanction for what was pretty shitty fan behavior.

The closed match is scheduled to be Lyon’s first home match in the Champions League against Shakhtar Donetsk on October 2nd. At this point, most clubs would shrug, accept it, and move on – that’s what Ligue 1 rivals Marseille are doing.

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The Ex Watch: Hugo Lloris arrested for drunk driving

It’s been a long time since Hugo Lloris wore Lyon colors, and even though I wasn’t pleased at how his departure had unfolded, I still wish him well and was happy for him during France’s World Cup win.

It was disappointing beyond measure to read this morning that he had been arrested for drunk driving in London. Thankfully, no one was injured, but he failed a breathalyser test, arrested, and then released on bail.

It’s very strange and out of character for a man whose personality is as sedate as they come. There are a 100 ex-OL players I’d expect this to happen to before ever getting to Lloris, a father of two adorable daughters who is known for his goofy dad jokes and terrible taste in music.

It remains to be seen what the fallout will be. Besides the legal issues that will surely unfold, his captaincy for both Tottenham and Les Bleus are on the line. In fact, his place in Les Bleus could be in question. Players with legal issues have been dropped from the squad before, and this has come right before Didier Deschamps was due to release the list of players for France’s upcoming friendlies.

I hope things work out for Lloris. He’s a great player and should be remembered for a lot of other things besides this.

Jean-Mimi’s Diary – August 6th, 2018

this is my diary where i keep all my sekrets. do not read unless your name is also jean-michel aulas, president of ol but soon to be president of all football

Mood: Annoyed

dear diary,

i am very mad at all other clubs in the world. their players want to come to ol but their clubs won’t let them follow their dreams

ruben called me today and was crying to come to lyon. benfica has locked him in his apartment and threw away the keys.

yerry emailed me yesterday to tell me that barcelona were trying to force him to play for everton even though he wants to play for lyon. barca said they would send him back to colombia if he didn’t listen

victor also really wants to come to ol but jose mourinho not only said no but also took away victor’s phone. that’s why no one has heard from him ever since. but victor found a pigeon who delivered a note to me, so i know he’s alive

and no one knows this but cristiano ronaldo winked at me a few months ago, which in football sign language means he also wants to play for lyon. sadly it didn’t work out because i cannot afford all his hair products

but all these clubs gave me a good idea. i will take away nabil’s phone. only if liverpool pay me 70 millions euros will I give it back

i will look into it tomorrow

i have the best ideas! no wonder i am best club president in the world!!!

Lyon Post Secret: Week 1

Olympique Lyonnais is a great club to play for. They have a zombie manager, a president who micromanages at nanoscopic levels, and a mascot that looks like it walked out of a child’s nightmare. In return, all Lyon ask of their players is to keep their mouths shut, to stay away from prostitutes and orgies, and to drive under the speed limit. But for those who can’t handle it, struggle with temptation, and are hemmed in by the pressure, they can turn to Lyon PostSecret.

(Lyon PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where the players, coaches, and anyone affiliated with them mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.)

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Jean-Mimi’s Diary – July 27th, 2018

this is my diary where i keep all my sekrets. do not read unless your name is also jean-michel aulas, president of ol but soon to be president of all football

Mood: Confused

dear diary,

i don’t understand, liverpool don’t write, they don’t call

why are they ignoring me???

i am being so nice, letting them know they can have nabil. all they have to do is meet my price of a billion euros

what more do they want

english people are losers. unless they are giving me money. then i love them

they keep whining about nabil’s knee. i don’t know what world they’re living in, but show me a footballer who never got injured and i’ll show you a st etienne team that can win the league. lol

plus we all know that premier league turns healthy people into patients, so nabil will come to them all ready to go

whatever. i don’t want to sell nabil anyway. i’m going to keep him and we will win the champions league after a penalty shootout with liverpool, and nabil will score our last penalty and also block their last shot, and then he will call the police and get their team bus towed

then when they try to buy him again i’m going to tell them to take a knee because i’m vindictive like that